Last bit of Fun in Cairns before I head to Redneck Ville!

Carry on Porting Douglas (ooh QLD Matron)

Hello and welcome to...... Oops sorry lost my concentration, I just let out a snart!


Anyway more fun to be had in Port Douglas, met loads of cool, chilled out people in Dougie’s and have some good prospects for jobs. However for some reason, these hotels are missing some logic or just stretching out their budget. I've been told several times they are not looking for people for another 2/3 weeks, but keen on me starting then.

Anyone with a GCSE or a brain bigger than a marble, would see this as a golden opportunity to get a work monkey like me, to start early, learn the ropes and teach others........ (But that would require forward thinking).


Clearly, to anyone whose read more than 10% of this blog will know I like a good drink and laugh, however St Paddy's ruined more brain cells and reputations than any house party ever could. The hostel is run by Irish people and RSA has no meaning here. Let's just say I got so "merry on whiskey" I think I could see Leprechauns, rainbows and a pot of gold!

Although there was meant to be a dirty limerick contest it didn't happen and I'd even made one up, but I can't bring myself to put it on here (Smother is watching). Oh that's right Smother, you're now famous, even people who have messaged me about this blog want to meet you! And yes I have told people about the "Barbados, mad grin story"! I'm over 18 and I still have to include my mum in everything – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY...... (You can see why I went over 19000 km to escape… uh I mean, travel.)


After several days of chilling, applying & watching Daria, I had a brainstorm and thought to be proactive. Why wait for the work, when you can go to the work?


So Bundaberg farming jobs here I reluctantly come! I'm more than happy to have a brown snake sliver between my legs, but I won't be happy with a red back spider on my hand!!


Little announcement, alongside the "free" section of this blog, I'm going to add "jobs" soon. Thought I'd help out the fellow traveller with some actual FREE hints on looking for jobs, if you're like me, and you see manual work is for the men in diet coke break ads' and hippies, THINK AGAIN! It's hard graft, sweaty and morally rewarding work and that's just looking for the jobs!


So, I moved back to Cairns for a day, see the old gang from Globetrotters (remember the international stereotypically dressed pigs?!). They call me dad, as I'm always advising them, embarrassing them, passing on old dad jokes and pretty much educating them on random crap without realising it.


We have one more night out, it involves one LARGE TANKER of beer, searching for a bottle shop that's open past 9pm and I get called a Jamaican by some drunk girl, despite me saying "I'm from the UK". I've gotten used to it now, in this country I can be any man of colour or with a shave, wig and heels, any woman, I might edit that Whitney/Chaka song and call it "I'm every black man". I'm every black man, I'm every black man, oooohhh, ooohh, ooh, oh!

Weird fact, I used to think one of my auntie was another Whitney Houston (pre Bobby B) when I was little, I was a strange child........


Anyway Bundaberg and beyond we go now, I've decided to be "adventurous" and get a sleeper train, thought it would be a quick and easy way to see most of the north coast of QLD and handily so, it was the cheapest (little tip with Queensland rail, all travellers get 40% discount).


However the night before the train journey which takes a record 23 hours, I get a call to say the lines are flooded from Cairns to Townsville, thank you cyclone c****! So I'm writing some of this blog on a coach thankfully they gave us a complimentary meal voucher for the stopover.


Anyway the reason I put "carry on" in the title is because it reminds me of the films, as it's me, 4 other people under 40 and the rest are OAPs with loud mouths, cackle laughs, funky dress sense and funky BO! Literally, I just want Sid James to laugh and Joan Sims to  shout "oi" and slap him one.


Ummm..... a mature lady clearly didn't agree with the food at the stopover cafe, and from the smell and discomfort of the other passengers, neither did we (dirty bitch). Something ghastly is coming from this toilet.

Right, say the word "ghastly" but pretend you are an old aristocrat woman clutching her pearls in horror as if the maid has served you a scotch egg and not caviar......makes the word much more fun!



Also there's some unwritten rule that no matter how much Rosa Parks fought for us to sit where we like, we still somehow get a majority of ethnics sitting near the back. Its me, two older aboriginal women and a family from Fuji and we're all situated near each other in colour group formation, typically, one of the older women is sucking out fish bones from her teeth (I miss home) .

But to be fair, it's either sit at the back and have loads of leg room or sit in the middle of older white people from Scotland and the Midlands saying "ooohh, isn't he awful, Jean?" and "ooohh I knew I shouldn't of had that helping of fish and chips, it's gone right through me" (that's the stinker from before).


Anyway it might be a bit quiet blog-wise, as I may be in a place where time, wi-fi and racial/ social progression have forgotten. Bundaberg - the only good thing to come out of there will be the ginger beer, I'm British- Bajan and an spirit expert, the rum is donkey piss! 


Top Tips

40% discount for international travellers on Queensland Rail, get a sleeper if you can, the chairs are comfortable, but I had to make a little fort in between the seats to sleep! – ( )

Just because I wanted to, here's Melbourne (much better than Bundy)