the South Bank, always the best place to relax, WAIT A MIN, THAT KID PHOTOBOMBED MY PIC, YOU LITTLE ****!!!

Welcome to Brisneyland

How to start this?! Well, know when you enter a city via train, plane, boat, floating door (in case you're an illegal immigrant) and you get that feeling like you're home before you've set foot on the platform?!? This is that place for me, I get the same feeling when I get to my hometown or when I go to Liverpool and Manchester. I have a thing for the underdog cities, they aren't as big and flashy as the other big cities but they have more character, history and less pretentious then their bigger brothers and sisters!

Anyway Brisbane is the third biggest city in Australia after Sydney and Melbourne, I like to remind people that Canberra is actually the capital for this country and from what I've heard, Sydney should be basically.
Moving on Brissy is just another big city but for some reason it's a bit more remarkable as there's a lovely south bank with a riverside splashed with cultural and education buildings, funky bars and a man made beach! It's easier to get round the city compared to Sydney and Cairns in terms of public transport and better mapped out. I got my bearings despite the amount of goon in me.

My first stop is in Wooddocks and anyone who has read this blog from start to finish will recognise the name, you may feel as sick as I did! However good news, the kitchen isn't infested with cockroaches, just French and German. I have to say something here:

German travellers = lovely refreshing, friendly people who are willing to exchange ideas and language tips
French travellers = annoying, uninterested, selfish twats. EVERY single one I have met so far has been so far up their own asses they're in the south of France!

Right got that off my chest, this hostel was way better than the Cairns one, which wouldn't have been hard to beat. A doghouse with a microwave and a pillow would have beaten that place. It's cool, clean and I met people who were in Cairns as well, which spawned the slogan "Natalie, bring the camera, and yourself!" (say this in a girls German voice and you'll giggle to yourself!) It's also located along a strip of other hostels so there's loads of people to meet here.
There's cool themed nights and it's one of those hostels where it's cool, chilled and has a sense of community but also has events and games nights so it's not a constant party place!

After several days of getting "happy" with other travellers and just exploring the city I decided that this is my favourite city. I think after the expense of Sydney, the desolate paradise of Cairns/PD and sheer horror for Bundy this place has put me in a good place in loads of ways but with every epiphany there is a solution. I decided to leave Australia. I can't go into it on here but there are a few reasons to move on and get sorted. Don't worry the blog will keep going as there is NZ and the states to be done so more stupid antics to follow... Did I just hear someone sigh? RUDE!! Oh sorry that was me sighing, ignore me!

So like any other traveller or idiot with no money or clue, I've done the next worst job that any human can do........cold calling TELESALES! Now I have to say something that's not gonna surprise anyone but it's the most POINTLESS job ever!

I'm going to take you through the training but for obvious reasons I can't state what the company is called but even the name is stupid as I had to repeat it several times and it still makes no sense so I'm not surprised I only got a few sales!

There's a two day training period and it wasn't until someone asked "will we be paid for this session?" that it dawned on the group that this was a con and being the elaborate person that I am that it was a brainwashing con!
We listened to positive messages and ways to communicate with people without saying  the words "sales", "persuade" or "cold calling". No sooner had we been to the main floor these words were constantly used.
This place was like the telephonic version of the mind of a typical Gemini, the reasoning and blindsiding knowledge was supplied by the Castor upstairs while the dirty and underhanded techniques were played out with Pollox (aka bollox since we're in the sales industry).
The office resembled a corrupt lion king, where the leaders were tatted old lions chanting orders with people on the phones being hyenas and parrots and when someone did a "sale" you had to clap like a seal on crack!

So let's recap slightly, I've done the two worst jobs in the space of 3 weeks, I might as well go into porn, sewer waste management or door to door selling! However, I can't complain there are people in worst positions than me, mainly unemployed and the the supervisors of these office jobs....

So during my time at this "telesales" job I moved from west to east Brissy and stayed in a hostel called Bunk! To sleep in it's perfect, the rooms are set up so you can barely see or hear anyone but still share with up to 20 people. However it's one Tequilla shot away from being Ayia Napa! Wet t-shirt competitions, stolen kitchen food and bad security, the guys from the Inbetweeeners wouldn't have stayed here, although Neil would've fingered the receptionist! "it's a two man job here"

For the first time in 8 Months my food was stolen and it was the last of it! The worst thing was I made enough for two days and they left me hardly anything. It would've been better if they'd stollen the whole thing, it's like a piss take calling card!

For this blog and the last one for Bundy I want to dedicate the following song - "stressed out" by Tribe called Quest feat. Faith Evans. (kids, this is a period when music meant something.)

There's nothing more I can say about Brissy other than I want to come back but maybe do more stuff and stay in nicer accommodation. You can see koalas for $18, river tour for $22 and reef for $80 so cheaper than other cities. Also out of all the states I've been to QLD is the cheapest by far. I paid $175 for a week in bunk (one of the most expensive in Brissy) while I paid $220 for Sydney (one of the cheapest in Sydney).

Top tips

Stay near Roma Street, it's basically a backpackers strip near the station and about 20 minutes from the rugby stadium. Woodduck (www.woodduck.com.au/woodduck-brisbane), cloud 9 (cloud9backpackers.com.au) & YHA (http://www.yha.com.au/hostels/qld/brisbane-surrounds/brisbane-backpackers-hostel/) are highly recommended by me and drunk germans

Don't get the train, it's easier to walk but the service makes it easier to get around the main city and is slightly better than Sydney.

Head to the big wheel and see the whole city if you are not that bothered about seeing every street (really call yourself a traveller if you do this.)
Go to Bunk Hostel if you are a food stealing, party animal and want to get your tits out for a $100 bar tab (I'll say that in a different way, you're getting your tits out for £56?!?!)

WHEEL OF BRISSY FORTUNE...TO THE MAX!!!!