Wanaka to Queenstown
I see you survived parts one and two of this blog trip, get yourself a treat
like a cup of tea/cookie/absinthe, whatever ﬂoats your boat. I still think that's a strange
expression, what liquid would you use to ﬂoat your boat if water isn't available? Coke?
Beer? Caramel milkshake? Mine right now would be Perionnaise, I'm desperate for a
Sorry back to blog!
As I left the last page so vague it's going to come to light, be warned like a quadrilogy the
third installment is normally quite messy and confusing, just like Scream 3 or Return of the
Judi , I mean Jedi.
We start off with a reasonable set off, everyone seems quite relaxed yet pumped, we are
coming to the best part of this trip, the ice cream of the sundae if you will. Expect a lot of
food references as Im writing this blog just before lunchtime.
As we leave Wanaka, my excitement for the next stop is too much to bare/bear for poor
chicken Priya Priya. I know I should be hyped about Queenstown, skydives, water rafting
but I think I take after my dad in the sense that we enjoy anything that's intellectually
stimulating and freaks your mind!
I don't know what to say, know when you take a child to Disneyland for the ﬁrst time and
they are so excited that it's cute for a bit, but before you know it you want to sedate them, that was me!!
The place only costs $15/$18 if you want a bacon sarnie/butty for northerners out there or
you have the option to just sit around the cafe and do the free puzzles, I'm frothing at the
There's heaps of optical illusions, plasma spheres , things going up when they should be
going down, a tilted ﬂoor room, a room that makes you look small and big, large freaky models and one of the ﬁrst super mazes. It took ages to do but as I dragged chickenPP around it I told her that "it's not cheating if no one sees you do it!" as we skip a section to ﬁnd the last hut. I think I just peed excitement by this point.
After I come to from PW, we then drive over to kawarau where you can do a bungy or zip line, I have to say this now, I'm never doing a bungy (ok stop tutting) I've never seen the appeal of bouncing around, being upside down and screaming, I can do that for free in my
bedroom. However zip line I would do, face forward I can dress in all black and do my
batman voice or turn the other way and kick my legs in the area and pretend I'm Liu Kang
from Mortal Kombat.
We did however have a little seminar at the bungy place on how it was constructed and
where it's been done, the highest, the weirdest etc, quite entertaining. We did however see a Bogan stag do where there got the stag in his pants and pretending to push him over for a bungy when it a paddling pool, oh such fun (nice ass).
Before we go any further we are going to have a little break, you may want to grab a glass
and something to drink as I want to get you into the true spirit of the kiwi bus. That's right people from now on, it's a DRINKING GAME!! As basically that was what
Queenstown was for a week (admittedly I had to have a few pit stops, you'll see why....)
So here are the rules, for every word mentioned you need to drink the amount:
"leader" "peterpans" "Schmid"- one ﬁnger of drink
"fergburger" "Clunge" - two ﬁngers of drink
"3man" - 3 ﬁngers of drink
"epic" -4 ﬁngers of drink
"tequilla suicide" - ﬁnish your drink/shot
If you get past the 2nd paragraph, you're Irish, 3rd paragraph, you're Russian and anything
past 4th paragraph then you are a kiwi experience passenger and need to consult a doctor
for a liver transplant.
AND GO..... (see lower section)
THE DRINKING GAME
Just another 30 minute drive and we are here, Queenstown, it's nothing like I thought it
would be from all the descriptions I got from my friends and kiwi residents, I was expecting
something to resemble out inbetweeners where the streets are ﬁlled with drunken thugs
and Clunge. If Wanaka is the postcard town then Queenstown is the TV commercial you
need to use to get people into this country, it's fantastic, but as. The birds of a feather girls would say "it's epic".
As we get to lake Wakatipu, I just couldn't believe my eyes, it's like they got a skiing village, Cotswolds, all the best bits of new Zealand and a scene from a Disney ﬁlm in one city,
holy Schmid, this place is crazysexycool.
We all unload from the bus to have the traditional kiwi experience bus group photo and I
have to say its the perfect scenery for it but it feels like we are putting on false smiles as we're cheating on the other guys from our original bus and Maa.....NNNNOOOOOO! We're with the wrong bus driver, shall we call him, leader! (you still awake? Cool wait until 3man and peterpans is mentioned, oh oops did I type that, sorry, oh Schmid!)
Now here's where I think you really need to take note, we get to Nomads Queenstown
(http://nomadsworld.com/hostels/new-zealand/nomads-queenstown) and Jinkies!! It's amazing, don't even bother booking any other hostels, this
place is a god send. It's a cosmopolitan answer to hostel with a hotel twist with a dash of
jazz lounge/art house.
After the masses pick up their chins from the ﬂoor, check in and wander around in
amazement of the chicness of the place. There's a TV room, That is more like a cinema,
yes even bridesmaids was playing here at one point, grrrrr. You get great view from some
rooms, our ﬁrst few nights were in a room with dual balcony which we shared with the girls. There's a free Sauna and you even get a free evening meal which is more like a starter before you go for your noodles or FERGBURGER (we'll touch on this later)
We eventually leave the epic place and for once as my "unofﬁcial" leader isn't in control,
we're not on the bus, I didn't feel need to guide or answer people thankfully, we go around the town and I instantly spot peterpans which is a travel company that's based in OZ and NZ. Now I don't know what to say, I'm normally a quiet and reserved soul (who laughed then?!) I've turned from team leader to bus driver. As soon as I enter the building I'm pounced on by one of the people I met in Auckland peterpans. After they pitched to me (while I was rolling my eyes) I told them about the bus, I think the dollar signs rolled onto their eyes. After a bit of chocolate delboy wheeling and dealing, I managed to strike a deal to get xx amount of people in and I get free stuff, I do loves good incentive and free Schmid!
There is literally loads to do here in QT, I can't even go through half the stuff you could on here so in true lazy blogger style I'm going to introduce you to www.bookme.co.nz just to give you an idea of what you can do, at low low prices. Now say that last bit in a Turkish voice (I give you good price).
Well, epic night one of eight "come on luv, get your white slingbacks on, we're going out" ,
we ﬁnd ourselves at the Find, a popular bar/club which you'll see, I'll gradually grow to hate.
They serve teapots of cocktails which are meant to be shared with etiquette, being the
dysfunctional rabble that we are, drinking from a teapot is done from a height with intention to kill the receiver with a fountain of long island iced tea, BLEURGH!
At some point during the night, our George Clooney lookalike turns to me and says the two
words I hate to hear but can't ignore, (And you're gonna hate in a second) "tequila
suicide"! For those who don't know what this is, tequila suicide (come on, down that drink
you just poured) is when you snort the salt, drink the tequila and squirt the lemon in your
eye! Why I did this I have no idea but when George Clooney tells you what to do, you do
Interlude - hello reader, are you coherent still? Oh good I won't call the medics then. MAN
And good morning hangover, seriously I feel like Schmid, team leader down although I have a very clear left nostril!
As we all try to decide what to do, I decline a bike ride round the town and go for a walk to clear my head, save cash and avoid any chance of me tumbling from a tandem bike after a
tequila inﬂuenced hangover!
You don't really need a bike ride to see the town but it's helps, just walk along the lake, into the Queenstown parks and it's another photographers' wet dream. By far the best city in NZ.
As the afternoon looms we decide to do another luge, with my deal with
peterpans in full swing, my leadership skills seem to be in full force, dragging several
recovering travellers with me for the luge. Managed to get loads of deals and free drinks
for everyone :) The luge in Queenstown is impressive for the view of the town from the top
and the gondola but the course compared to the Rotorua one is a bit crap but still fun
especially for the airtime. "It's ah mario kart, woo hoo!" It was all great fun but unfortunately the team crash dummy, (elbow Sarah) didn't like it as I heard her screams for the beginners course, aww bless!
So another epic night follows as all the original crew arrive, so let the reunion begin, 3man
is ﬂowing, Schmid is getting crazy and I'm pretty sure we've drunken our ways out of our
hangovers. Damn those ﬁnd teapots. Oh a slight snifﬂe, I'll ignore it for now!
The following day, I have no idea what we did but all I remember is having my ﬁrst
fergburger. I have no way of describing how good this burger is but the only words to
describe it is "gorgeous" "good Schmid" and "EPIC" (you seeing double yet?). Seriously
look it up and start drooling (http://www.fergburger.com/).
This night was the night of the infamous pub crawl ($15 with the hostel), in true fashion I
went for pre-drinks with exemple. I think before we started I had a slight turn and snifﬂe
came back again, age and wisdom started to catch up with me! At some point I realised I'm not a youth, I'm not Tinie Tempah and I don't have heaps of cash, part way through the pub
crawl, I snuck out and used my free coupons from peterpans and chilled out and then went
to the coolest place I've been to.
Zero degrees, my ﬁrst ever ice bar and it's amazing everything is made of ice, I know there's one in London but the novelty of having a drink in one of the best places on earth made it worth while. Got chatting to the barmaid and had a good chat. Although we had the uncomfortable time of when she thought I was chatting her up and thought I had a girlfriend......oh dear!
a very nice cocktail and the glasses were made of ice but YOU CAN SMASH THE GLASSES! Hello deep rooted Greek feelings (note Greeks only smash plates to entertain tourists, however no wonder they are in ﬁnancial ruin if they love breaking things and retiring
at the age of 55)
Back to the pub crawl, ladies and gentleman; being the most sober person at a pub crawl
is the weirdest thing ever. There's drinks being split, people kissing random people
(different and same sex), nudity and dodgy dance moves. However it was quite fun
watching the guys do a pole dancing competition, I got involved and grinded on one of the
one direction boys' head! Just think when you are out and getting wrecked and there's
that miserable looking person staring disbelief,that was me. Even Dr Naive who hasn't
been drunk the whole time, was drunk, she's had her 4 shandies, she's good to go!
*UPDATE 07.06* Also in Queenstown you have the option of doing the deep south,
Milford sound, and Dunedin, again due to ATO being slower than two legged horse (if it has two legs won't that be glue, Tesco/ dog food now!?....too soon) team leader opts out of everything.
The guys attempt to go to Dunedin first time round however due to trying to hire a van the day before, being so hungover after the pub crawl, that the only person who could drive would be me (I have no licence).
Dunedin is new Zealand's famous student town with the world's steepest hill "Alec" Baldwin Street,
I've been to some many fresher weeks and walked up Reading's Pierces Hill, I don't need to bother with this trip. You can also go to the cadburys world here, where they make a sad imitation of the British version......What a lot of old Schmid.....PASS!
The deep south from what I've heard is impressively grand especially summer/autumn time
however it's not operated directly by kiwiexp and the experience is not as much fun,
actually it's so bad, even Dr Naive used the word "twat" to describe the driver. (by the
many arms of Vishnu, how rude!)
Milford Sound is the eighth wonder of the world, which I'll see another time, believe me I'll
be coming back to this country VERY soon.
*END OF UPDATE*
It's ofﬁcial we've been here like 3/4 days and I get bloody manﬂu symptoms, today is a day
of rest and attempting to write this blog but with the amount of alcohol swimming in my
system, I could barely re-write a spot the dog book. I do however have a little giggle at the
aftermath of the pub crawl, even Schmid is out for the count.
Here's a funny little thing, AdamF & Dr naive go to book their skydives with peterpans,
Ummm the people in the ofﬁce thought I was a bus driver and was organising this vodka
infused goof troop! I think if this writing career falls ﬂat on its face I'm going into travel
sales, all I did was shout every ten minutes and ﬂirt with the Clunge, this job would be
Pit stop - so anyone who dared to do this drinking game, are you still alive? I should have
put a health disclaimer at the start but you're daring enough to do it, well done! TEQUILA
Welcome back, I have to say this is the night where not only did I have the best night ever
before I crashed and burned, it's also the night where I know my maniac leader ways and
general nuttiness has an affect of people!
Peterpans arranged another pub crawl (this one was free), again I spend most of my time
screaming, laughing and reaping the rewards with free drinks. We had to several bars
before we get to the ﬁnd. In New Zealand the bouncers have this stupid policy of asking
you how many drinks you have had, I've been asked this question loads of time and being
the most sober person again (well I thought I was) I decided to answer sarcastically,
school boy error! ACCESS DENIED!
The other guys get wind of this after I managed to get loads of people, free drinks,
discount excursions and get people moving, I think my hard work paid off. IrishCornwall
and a few others went into the ﬁnd, grabbed everybody and walked out of the ﬁnd!
As I can never really let anything go, I turn into ballsy Brown bear, I walk up to the bouncer
and just say "well this is what happens when you don't let me in, I've just taken 25 rich
people out of your club, you just lost this place loads of money, and don't worry I'll be
telling your manager about this, have a good night!" Obnoxious Bloated Bouncer 0 - Brown
Bear 1 (25) As everyone cheered me on, the team song of "Michael Van Gerwen" was changed to "Marvin Van Gerwen" and I've never had such a smile on my face. Thanks Guys I
unconditionally love you, Team Leader, Peace Out!
The rest of the night involved more drunken antics, random snogging and me and crazy
Dutch having to walk PETE home in his drunken state.
The next few days involved me wallowing in self pity, tissues and fergburgers, I even
missed a few "epic" nights especially the last night where everyone dressed up in crazy clothes. Believe this word "epic" just gets thrown in every 30 mins with this
crew , you'll hear a lot of "oh it's gonna be epic tonight you got to come" or "but it's xxxx
last night here" reader it's never someone's last night when you go travelling in some
freaky way you'll see them again within a fortnight in NZ.
If it involved food and anything less than a 5 min walk, that was my activity for the day.
TEQUILA SUICIDE - END OF GAME! You still have all your possessions and liver intact?
Queenstown, you made me and broke me within 7 days, I love you!
There's more stories and photos to follow this section so keep your eyes peeled......
Just like the Scream Quadrilogy, The fourth movie is just a slight let down and makes you
appreciate the ﬁrst 3,now follow me to the next section.......to Christchurch!