Random arty hearty in union Square
U S Gay, U S Gay, U S Gay!
Prepare the wine, water, hot chocolate or whatever beverage you may want, as this is
gonna be a long one (oi oi). I'm going to take you on my journey from San Francisco to LA. Yes 2 big cities in one blog,
Yes after riding the air new Zealand ﬂight manned by the Butlin caretakers, we arrive in
North America's main body, good old USA. And being the raving queen that I am (bleurgh,
I wrote that for comedy effect and now I feel
nausea) , I head straight to the gay capital,
Ok more unnecessary honesty but I'm not exactly thrilled to be in USA, please put down
the pitchforks yankees and stop cheering Canada, but I've been here before. Unlike
rest of the trip where I've never been to any of the previous places, I've already been
treated to the American lifestyle. I know what to expect in terms of culture, attitude and
living standards, however......
as I get off the plane, I love it, it's like everyone took a Quaalude and jägerbomb,
relaxed but somehow overly excitable. The security guard gleefully, looks in my bags in
another "random" bag search. Seriously I'm dressed in a green kiwi
jumper, which Doreen
used to own, a tired horse face and have baggy jeans on, do I look like someone under the
inﬂuence?! wait a minute, I see their point this time.
Even the walkway to the baggage claim and trains was like a whimsical dramatic
from a romcom, the sun is shining, everyone is smiling and I'm just waiting for someone
with ﬂowers to run up to me. OH HERE HE COMES, EEEEE! Oh it's for that bitch behind me, ﬁne ruin my Hollywood moment!
Sorry bloggers, I
just need to speak to someone:
Please can you send some representatives from your customer service and management
departments. You may want to witness how a service is
When a customer is lost and confused and is milling around the ticket machine, looking
perplexed like its alien technology, your staff are meant to go one step further and come up to the
person. Possibly ask where they want to go and show how the machine and system works.
Not only that but also handover a map, giving information on the area they are going to
and what they should look out for. That's
more appropriate than giving vague information,
shoving a leaﬂet in someone's hands and rolling your eyes while hufﬁng like a disgruntled
Also hire better looking staff.......
I know it's hard to ﬁnd willing people who want a free
pass round London plus a wage higher than some low level ofﬁce jobs, but its not hard.
Thanks and Peace Out,
Brown Bear x
Sorry I'm back, after a chilled journey and detailed, handy directions, I arrive at my hostel,
know that whimsical and magical time I had on the way into the city, f@ck it!
I'm now in the Ghetto, my hostel is off Market Street which
is the main street and it seem strange that I've booked this place. Oh I remember why, EVERYONE loves San Fran so everything is booked way in advance, I tried booking Green Tortoise and other places and that was booked up until my birthday. Gggrrreeeaattt......
Now the hostel I'm in can be summed up in two words "Hell" and "Hole", even just using
one of the words is effective enough. (AAE S.F. European Hostel, San Francisco, USA, no website) just don't stay here, go on treat yourself to a hotel room,
sauna, cardboard box, you deserve better. I've gotta say, there's a lot of tramps on the streets, know in the "free section" of this blog where I mentioned count how many tramps are in a certain area, I should take my own advice right now.
One other thing I need to note, there's a surprisingly large amount of American travellers,
not saying its a bad thing just that I've spent a large part of this journey improving my
German, French and Russian. They mainly do it for work and localised
I just can't see it working in the UK, I can't imagine looking for work in Durham while in a
third, I mean fourth, actually ﬁfth rate hostel but I can't imagine that scenario anyway.
Ummm Durham or San Francisco where
would I look for work?!?!
So like any reasonable homo in the gay capital of the world where do I go to ﬁrst, that's
right people city hall, an arty gallery and pier 39, oh such fun. City hall is basically a larger
version of St Pauls,
and it seemed to be wedding afternoon, several weddings going on,
even a Korean one, where the bride had so much make up on she was literally two paint
strokes away from a Monet or as I like to say she was Thai before all the make up. (I think
it's was part of my art gallery experience as well)
Pier 39, what can I say about this, well it's spectacular there's loads to do and heavily
commericalised, it's like universal studios invaded Brighton Pier and had a helping hand
Now before when I said, I knew what to expect, well the last time I was in this country the
pound was ﬁercely strong and now it's a whimper at best, when the hell did the most iconic
shopping country become expensive.
Anyone requesting souvenirs from me will have to
order it on eBay, it's either a treat for you or a subway for me, oooohhh footlong Italian
B.M.T please, yes extra meat, extra cheese and extra large drink NOW!
The following day I did
my little tourist thing and again thanks to the ATO taking more time
then building the London Olympic stadium, I'm limited on what to do! So today I rode the
San francisco cable car (weeeee) head back to the pier 39 and hire a bike to go over the
Golden Gate Bridge. And like magic my phone decides to die as soon as I approach the
bridge. What a ride and what a view, how could Magneto, destroy this bridge has he no
love for arcutechtrial brilliance??
Anyway you can use many
companies near the pier, I used(www.blazingsaddles.com/sanfrancisco) they were friendly, helpful and you get a deal to include the bike hire, toll and ferry back I think I get it for $40-50, make
sure you check groupon and loving social as they sometimes have deals for this.
Again the lack of photography for this makes it less impressive but you end up at Sausalito
, which I think sounds like a gelato containing sausage, future pregnancy
suggestion for a celeb?!
The Ferry back was ok, it would have been more fun but then it got a bit cloudy and ruined
the view, dam you storm, sorry I'm getting excited about watching the new xmen ﬁlm, eek!
That night I decided
to get out of the hostel and go have a subway as cooking in that place
was just pure evil, nothing worked and there was loads of idiots taking all the seats. Oh
hello tramp want a bite of my subway club, hey I said a bite, don't snatch!!
Hallelujah, praise Jebsus! I move out of that god awful hostel (wow blasphemy overload)
and move a few blocks over and end up at USA hostels, good god it's Nomads
Queenstown but with free Wiﬁ and bigger facilities (www.usahostels.com/sanfrancisco )
highly recommended but as I said things get booked up as EVERYONE
loves San Fran. As I'm getting to my last few pennies I'm trying ANYTHING to become a
hostel volunteer, so I can get free accom and food for a few hours work, and what a pain it
is here, people are so dedicated they are there for MONTHS!
That night, I did something I'm not proud of but I had to do it and I went to see the "gay"
area, I head to the main part and I know a lot of you are gonna be I shock but
impressed. Put the prada satchels down gays.
Reader, we're gonna do a bit of role play now pretend we are in a large decadent hall, all of a sudden a long aisle appears, you and I walk down this aisle, you look confused yet
concerned, I look nervous and anxious. We are now at the end of the aisle, but we turn to the right. I hand you a black and pink robe and long white piece of card, you dress yourself. I go in one compartment, you in the adjacent one.
father, please hear me for I have sinned, I have not fallen into the gay scene
stereotype or enjoyed all the things we homos are meant to go wild for in the queer capital. please don't throw a hissy ﬁt. May I have your forgiveness and this week's collection
plate earnings, HELP ME, I'M POOR"
I'm sorry the only redeeming feature of the area was the fact it had a gay sports bar, which
was impressive, as people were watching the jocks on tv and not the jocks on the man next
to them. Hello
ideal gay bar, I had a couple of drinks, spoke to some guys that explained
the rules of Baseball and American Football. Seriously Baseball is the equivalent of cricket,
it's so friggin boring, I just hope they get the idea from futuruma to make
the game more
interesting by having the ball tethered, multiball action and random things coming out of
the walls. Other than that I was home by 10, I got to ride the cable car at night (weeeee!)
(I bet you have a mental image of me with
my hands in the air, head back, shouting "Weeee".... you would be correct)
So as I keep saying things are getting ridiculous in terms of cash and hostel availability, I
was nicely persuaded by a smooth talking Yorkshire, oh sorry I mean
YORKSHIRE man to
go to LA. bolt bus (and hostel world) here I come. I then spending half a day walking
around San Fran as I've not really seen it and it's an amazing and painfully hilly city, I can
see why the men here have legs to rival
the rugby teams or Arnie's Arms circa 1986.
Anyway follow past the usual photos at the bottom for the LA section......(Prepare the laughs to calm down)