Think I look like my dad in this pic.....thank god its dark!!

Dear second best parents in the world, after Homer & Marge (jokes)

Hello Smother and Papa Brown Bear.

Again trying to protect you in case a country ambassador finds this and sues me for slander or misinformation etc. So kinda like im a comedy writer version of Spiderman 

I have to let you know, im very sorry and i know that after this message I'll lose part of "fanbase".

Firstly sorry to PBB not only have a squeezed every last penny out of you like im a teenager again, but for missing your 50th Birthday. Again thank you for everything and hopefully now that i have gone past the 30 mark, i will be an adult one day! "Ummmm the Nandos are on me" said the Dark Milky Bar kid!

And Smother, uh i know its your big birthday soon but i can't Be there.

I have to confess that i tried to come back earlier but as you know im more broke than when i started and STA like mess me around so not only could i not get the right day back, im not even in the right city to get the flight:(

I was planning to turn up at the birthday party as a surprise but unless your birthday was moved to August, its unfortunately not going to happen. Also my other surprise, i was going to do my skydive and write on my hands "Happy 50th T### & J####!" Again due to the tax refund not even coming close to my account, ill be jumping off a park bench to create the atmosphere.

Thankfully you'll Be 50 for a year, so we can celebrate it when i get back......

I thought id write it here, so my shame can be immortalised on the web!

 

All im gonna say is, watch this page near your birthday......