Inside THIS blogger's Mind

26. Jun, 2014

Little Inspiration Nugget!

26. Jun, 2014

I bet you are wondering what is this section is about and to be honest, you'll probably still
ask what it's about after you have read this section.
It all stems from a conversation I had with my good friend YAK (sorry I'm sticking with that
code name.....for now), I asked the below question:

"so from this blog, does it come across that I'm depressed sometimes?! Cos when I get
feedback, it's always "sounds like you are having a great time" and other positive sounding
remarks"

You know what I am having a good time, a good majority, i am and on the flip side, I have
the anxious, terrified, concerned and downright "what the fuck am I going to do?!"
moments too.

So after a long conversation, it's got me thinking about why I travelled and why I've
decided to do this style of blog. Most blogs I've read have either been informative, funny,
personal or boring drivel where its "i did this, i did that" (yawn) and sometimes a mixture of
some elements. I set myself the task of trying to make sure I got all those elements minus
boring, not only to develop my writing skills but to also show another side of travelling
which not many people really illustrate and the below statements should pretty much cover
what I've felt sometimes:

"I HATE travelling, why did I start this and what was I thinking?"
"I seriously can't be arsed to do this blog"
"How the hell am I going to survive?!"

I know there's someone right now, who is reading this and thinking "fucking lighten up
dude, you're travelling" and my response to that thought is "fuck off, I'm human". Many
travellers have different stories and journeys, some go everywhere, do it all, some just
enjoy the company and surroundings etc, at some point I've been all types in one go. But
there's the polar opposite that has nothing to do, nothing to spend and no enthusiasm and
it gets to a point where you realise you're just standing still and you're missing the world
despite being miles from home.
Know what reader; No matter what, these 3 questions will pop up when travelling/writing
and you'll stress, analysis, stress again and eventually solve.

On this trip I've had this mind numbing scenario way too often for it to be even remotely
funny. I'm gonna be a bit honest about some of my current situation below:

I have no job/regular funding and that freaks me out
I'm down to my last few dollars
I've had to have my family and friends bail me out more than once in a short space of time
I've been anti social to the point of not hanging around any common areas
I've not eaten for a couple of days a few times, due to either lack of money, effort or travel
Sick to death of getting on any mode of transport some days

I've been chasing for a tax refund from Australia which should have been paid to me 4
weeks ago and the agency is pissing me off
I've maxed out all credit cards
I've gone over my overdraft
My UK phone has been disconnected due to inability to keep up payment.
My flights are all over the place and I cant afford to change them again!
I left the UK in debt, just to be in the same position probably even worse.
I spent my birthday by myself
Moving hostels constantly is a piss take
I've gotten bored of my own company at times
I've gotten bored of other peoples company at times
I've missed not only my dads 50th but in attempt to redeem myself to get back for my
mums 50th that hasnt gone to plan either - I wrote "dear parents" blog out of guilt.
I feel uninspired to do some activities as they are either costly, require effort or I have no
interest.
I wish I bought my laptop instead.
3 weeks of looking for volunteer work and still nothing.
I feel unattractive and dirty as I've worn the same clothes for 3 days and not shaved for a
month
I've not had "mister mister sheet monster" for a LONG time
I've missed loads of weddings, birthdays, births, special events etc

It may not seem like much, but when you have that going through your head constantly
and you're poor and you're not in your own country, it does stress and freak you out. A lot
of this stuff is either through my dumbass decisions, companies messing me around and
general bad luck/timing.
To some degree, you need that fear factor to make you keep going but right now I couldn't
be more freaked out. being in a different country highlights your fears and concerns.
When you are hungry at home, you can see friends and family who can help, when you
are hungry and unable to find, source or afford food, you starve.

Quite a bit of my time has involved a lot of thinking, waiting and stressing, I've had to stay
in the hostel just to stop spending and worrying myself and just watching random clips on
YouTube to keep me sane. Besides there's only so much you can do with very little change
in your pocket and so many things to organise. And unfortunately you do eventually get
into a slump where you absorb and everything and just say "that's it, I've had enough"

As you may have seen from the intro page, I was optimistic, I still had Mexico on my list
and I had no idea what to expect and man have I learnt a lot about this travelling business.
While I was in NZ, I was telling people that I was gonna do a skydive for my birthday in
Vancouver or San Fran, I was going to be back home for start of July and have loads of
money from this refund.

The reality, I'm still waiting (fighting) for this refund, I've done nothing that I planned due to
disappointment and low funds, I'm in LA (which i hated)as all the good hostels in San Fran
are gone and I have no idea how I'm going to get to NYC, let alone when I will be home. I
spent my birthday by myself as odd as it was, i liked and hated it, I didn't even get drunk or
befriend someone, i just embraced it, so new experience there!

If there's anyone out there who's thinking I want sympathy, guidance or something to cheer
me up, well to be blatantly honest, no, I don't.
This blog was created for entertainment and give insight, to not only me but what it's like
having an up and down travelling experience. I try to make this entertaining, transparent
and informative so I can keep you engaged, keep me sane and help others in the process/
future.
I also want to be a good balanced comedy writer someday, in some respects, travelling is
a metaphor for comedy, you need the depressing, messed up bits to make the fun that
more light hearted and interesting, just as much as the laughs to get over the senseless
tragedy and irony.

I'm desperate to come home to sort my finances and personal life but I'm enjoying the
travelling too much to even think about it as well, the ever annoying catch 22

It would be nice if you do read this, if you could leave some comments below on not only
what you think of what I've said but maybe what you've experienced if you have travelled
as well. Any room for personal growth and potential career pointers will be much
appreciated and heck if the new career takes off...... You will get a mention!