Guten Tag Beautiful Travellers
I have a warning to start off this blog entry and I’m so sorry as I normally have some lukewarm joke to start things off but no, it’s time to be serious.
I Marvin D Lowe, Age 30 - something, will NEVER book or fly with RYANAIR EVER AGAIN and I will do my best to discourage other well meaning travellers from using them.
I’ll get to Germany in a minute, but I need
to point this out, I booked the flights for our weekend city break with Ryanair and like an idiot I forgot what they were like, it’s charge city on the website, I’m pretty sure there’s a law barring them from charging us for not booking within
52 seconds of adding the tickets to the basket. “oooh your seats are in the basket but you took too long and are currently on hold it’s £2 a seat to retrieve them……. plus additional booking fee”
Even after booking I received countless emails to “check in”, now normal flight companies say check in up to a week before departure BUT oh no, not “glorious” Ryanair, it was sending check in emails 2 weeks before but
you couldn’t book in for free, 4 days before and not even 4 days it was like 3days and 22 hours before!!! And to round up the fun, our seats were “randomly” selected and in Ryanair style, the seats couldn’t be further apart if they
tried…..Guess what you need to pay for sensible allocated seats, even then don’t bother. You know who else flies on Ryanair? That’s right tight ass bastards, no one is in the allocated seat they wanted, as they spotted their mate and sat
with them after take off! And I had to pay extra just to have a normal sized bag and it was priority pass, and every time I checked my seat, it was worse than Andy’s and he had peasant seats!!
Astonishingly I probably spent
more time reading their online material and visiting the site than going on the actual break.
My advice to all travellers, just because it’s cheap now doesn’t mean it will be cheap by checking in time…REMEMBER
Anyway…. You came here for me to ramble on about Germany.
So confession time, I LOVE GERMANS and anything Germany, even tenuously linking anything remotely German too, hence my
hidden shame of liking David Hasslehoff and Kelsey Grammar, yes I know they are old but they’re practically in lederhosenosen in my eyes, so who cares?!?! it's retro German chic!
ALRIGHT enough German talk I thought
for 5 mins, I need to rant some more, and we’re back to the Ryanair flight, I have my next piece of advice/ warning.
When booking trips ALWAYS double check what events, holidays or sports are being held when you go,
I keep trying to remember school and religious holidays but wait a min what is that?
*THUD THUD at the imaginary door*
“Hello, who’s there? Is it pizza?”
“YO MARV, I’M YOUR BOLLOCKS, YOU’RE A MAN STILL, YOU NEED TO REMEMBER SPORTS! SPORTS RULE! YA POOF”
*Marv clutches pearls and fans his face with feather duster*
we managed to get a flight from Manchester to Nuremberg under the pretence we were going for cultural weekend, to be then hit by the boxing fans which consisted of the biggest obnoxious Ginger Scouse crowd, a posse of boxing fans whose vocabulary was limited
to “left, right, hook, beer, boobs, passport, pal” and a gaggle of girls who basically went there to see who would pay for their drinks and accom as they spent all their money on the flight, botox and their broken dreams.
The whole flight just reminded me why everyone loves Britain but not brits abroad, I felt ashamed, well for Andy, I could just put on an African accent on and pretend I didn’t belong. “EH, why are you people so loud, we do not talk like
this in Wakanda!!” (shoulders are jumping, i thank you!)
With the flight in full swing, we’re off to Germany, I excited at the prospect as I’ve never been and I’m also disappointed as I realised we’ve
probably booked the same flight back as Ryanair despite their heavy advertising about frequent flights, only had 2 flight times on the Sunday and lets face it no one wants to fly before McDonalds Breakfast has started (or finished)
Right get over it Marv, no more Ryanair talk!!!