Croeso black boyo ,
If you haven't guessed from the opening title, first picture , the menu and the first sentence that this will be about Wales; there is no hope for you here, the Mr Men books are available online on amazon kindle.
Any hoo for my fellow followers, FB buddies, YAK and travellers, we shall be going to the home of the valleys, Catherine ZETA Jones and 2nd smallest country in the UK, WALES! (well technically it’s the smallest as N. Ireland is a province)
The reason for this trip was due to a very much needed holiday and overdue present for Smother's 50th for those who had to suffer my whining in the new Zealand section and the dear parents section, you knew what you were getting yourself I for, I apologise for nothing (I'm sorry).
Before we start I have my everlasting need to educate people despite my everlasting apathy to learn anything myself; Some fun little facts:
- Wales is the only official country in Europe to begin with W (there's white Russia but that basically Belarus)
- Marvin (my name) is actually derived from old welsh/Viking translation meaning "of the sea" funnily enough I like being in water and I can swim faster than Eddy the eel!
- The letters K,Q, V and Z don't appear the Welsh alphabet, making games of scrabble very low scoring and boring unless you are the lucky bugger who gets J
- Wales is the only country not to be represented on the union jack, but if you squint hard enough you can see a dragon or go through time, either way give up the bong .....dude
- 1.7 million Americans have Welsh ancestors roots and no doubt some kinky boots
- Wales in Welsh is called Cymru , if you are an anagram fan, it can spell “MC RYU”, a Japanese DJ/MC, please check him out and tell me what you think of him. Seriously please do, this was actually a joke and I had to Google him, the things you learn in error! Also MC RYU would be the mixture of Dee Jay & Ryu from Street Fighter “Yeah mon, Hadoken!”
Enough edumaction , time for silly tales regarding wales, nowhere near the Yorkshire dales, nothing fails except your emails and everyone makes love on the sunset sails (oh rhythm time )
Actually to make the blog that bit funnier (note from audience - it wasn't funny before) , you need to read this out loud or in your head in a welsh accent, bonus points if you do the above rhyme in Welsh accent and post it on this site :)
It’s the start of July, the heavens have opened, Wimbledon is in full swing and the family is heading to Wales, for those who have been persuaded to visit Reading after my blog (mayor my cheque had better be in the post), you’ll be glad to know a drive to Wales is only 1.5/2 hours or the roughly same for the train plus you get to read Twilight or Dickens or, or Where’s Wally? or whatever you people are reading nowadays. Be warned you will have to use First Great Western to get these which is fiendishly expensive, so make sure you book in advance. I like this site as it does everything and you can book bus tickets as well (www.the trainline.com).
So the family is on its way to Pembrokeshire, about 2 hours from Cardiff, to visit a place called Gellifawr Hotel & cottages (http://www.gellifawr.co.uk/) and it’s a really nice, traditional cottage resort. I managed to get this place on living social for £150 for a 6 people cottage. Keep checking the site as they regularly have deals but places go quite quickly.
Getting here is very easy however you will need a car and go via a toll road. Unfortunately I don’t drive, please don’t judge me for not driving at my age I get enough from Smother and she’s the one who had to drive. Now for those of a nervous disposition or bad drivers you may want to step aside as the roads in the outlands of SW Wales are snake like. We just needed snow, a Rasta man and a bobsled and we’d be doing Cool Runnings.
The hotel/cottage complex is very nice but very remote, they have Wi-Fi, if you are concerned about keeping in touch with people but in all honesty this is one of those places where you’re meant to relax, forget the technology world and enjoy your company! There’s really not much to do, so bring board games, cards or anything to keep you entertained as I’m not going to lie, Sunny Wales is still part of the UK, so expect the weather reputation as well. Another plus of this places the scenery, it is very nice there’s lovely garden behind the hotel, open fields and heaps of cows and sheep all making their noises in a welsh accent.
BIRTHDAY .... HEY!!!
It’s now Mum’s birthday and after HOURs of deciding what to do we finally decided on going to an activity park Heatherton’s (www.heatherton.co.uk ) This place is awesome it’s great for the family or anyone with an innerchild, so that’s everyone! There’s loads of activities here but most of them are catered to the kids but still stuff for adults. Thankfully my dad wasn’t there otherwise shit would have got competitive, we did miniature golf where Da Boi got the only hole in one but had his ball in the water more than Tom Daley, archery, go karting, baseball, GIANT scaletrix and my two new favourite activities, bumper boats which is bumper cars in boats and let’s just say I think me versus the 2 9 year old boys who bumped me got a bit nasty. And then there’s pistol shooting, oh dear lord, I found my calling and it involves taking people down at point blank range, Hawkeye watch out you have competition…. We did however have to bully poor Smother into doing Go- Karts which she’s scared of, the only person who can legally drive is scared of Go Karts, and I’ll leave it at that!
Also down the road from this place is Anna’s Zoo, Oakwood’s theme Park (www.oakwoodthemepark.co.uk/) and Folly’s Farm (http://www.folly-farm.co.uk/) but there’s loads more the hotel website has links to these places which is handy and thoughtful.
After Thrills, spills and no chills as the sun came out, we head back to the hotel and have dinner. I’m not going to lie this was the best bit of the trip[ the food is expensive HOWEVER if you can get past the starter you are a Welsh Rugby Player or a complete fatty! Good lord Mum had a beef rib dinner and it looked like they literally got it off the cow, poor daisy :(
Now, the rest of the trip was subdued, until we did the drive home, the roads seem to be even more windy and the residents seem to have it in for us. An overweight biker who looked like he was auditioning for the next season of Hairy Bikers Cookbook show told my mum to “****ing slow down” even though she was doing 28 mph in a built up area, even I know that’s not illegal. Plus a swear he whispered “chocolate” under his breath, Smother HIT 31 MPH AND RUN HIM DOWN!
We had another incident with a tractor and a man who thought he was in NASCAR or he was Vin Diesel (please no Paul Walker jokes, too soon!).
4 hours later We are finally in civilisation, aka somewhere with phone signal and a wagamamas!
May your trip to Wales be a pleasant sunny one…..