Drayton Manners…..If you please.
Welcome back everyone… why am I welcoming you?
So Mr Perfect AKA YAK, AKA Andy, AKA that handsome white dude in the UK photos was lovely and kind enough to take my old ass to Drayton Manor (https://www.draytonmanor.co.uk/). Drayton is one of the UK’s Top 3…..Top 5 ……wait a minute runs to google) TOP 10 theme parks and boy is it deserving of that title.
Now before we get to the park let’s point out the elephant in the room……
It was my birthday in June and I’m still waiting for my card from you, I know you don’t know my full name or address but those are simple obstacles.
Again we drive to a destination where I can’t read the road or sat nav and we add 15 mins to a journey that was already long winded as I’m tired and he’s sick!! (Yes he’s a trooper and I’m the party pooper) however old skool 2000 tunes blast through the Peugeot 20* (you’re not finding our car) J
Bit of advice, book in advance it’s a good £15 or more cheaper and check which rides are working, because if I can’t go on the Ben 10 rollercoaster expect me to go HULK on this shit.
The Theme Park can be summed up in 5 words
(Ok 6… 7 if you want to be pedantic and split Fun and fair… GRAMMAR POLICE)
Now that we are comfortably in our 30s, we don’t hit the big rides like we’re teens, don’t rush to toilets like naughty children who didn’t listen to their mothers or dash to the bar like 20 something alcoholics. We head to the Zoo.
Now I am 50/50 on Zoos, I’ve seen the animal once and that’s me done (except cats, I FREAKING love cats), poachers can’t get them and it’s great they come here to visit us HOWEVER when these poor animals come out of their natural habitat it looks very sad. Case and point, the Black leopard, never before have I seen an animal that looked like he could have been diagnosed with short term memory loss and OCD. He was pacing up and down the same log like he forgot how long the cage was.
There were many other animals mostly monkeys, birds and ducks so less zoo more restrictive petting zoo but enjoyable all the same.
Now for the rides, good god for a small park they’ve packed in the most fun unusual rides, expect to be pleasantly surprised. I won’t descried every single ride as it’ not fun and YouTube has each ride covered.
Although I will recommend these rides:
Stormforce 10 – expect to get wet and in the most bizarre way too
Ben 10 rollercoaster– well less rollercoaster more like long track, however this ride is freakier than you expect, back and forth… Aaliyah!
Shockwave – The first standing rollercoaster in Europe and by far the best rides, try doing this ride under influence, you’ll never want to stand or drink again.
G- Force – Prepare to question your sanity and stomach and then ride it again loops, drops and as implied loads of speed (not that type of speed, junkies!!). Just like a little black girl who managed to stay silent through most of the ride and screamed heavily at the end like the shock just hit her. And then screamed “SIR THAT WAS MY 4TH TIME” Answer on a postcard as to why she screamed at the end and why she screamed on her 4th time, make it a pretty postcard.
Big Wheel – WARNING whatever you do, don’t go on this ride with a wild black man who loves rollercoaster but hates heights and pendulous cages, he will go buckwild like a cat, you will get screamed at, crying and punched… sorry Andy
Also the food is fine here but for you penny pinchers…. Aye I’m looking at you Scotland, bring a packed lunch, or you may fall prey to the pricing/hunger/greed battle in the queues “the cheese burger meal is £7, but the double cheeseburger meal is £8, it looks like it’s too much for me….. I’ll have the Double please”. You will instantly regret it as soon as you are tossed upside down on the Air Race ride, UK’s most sickening monotonous ride
So to close this place is great for families who have kids who are addicted to Cartoon Network as the park has literally had CN burped all over the place. Big kids who like some unusual twists to classic rides and Anyone with quick access to the M6
Well that was short entry, so to keep you entertained until the next post, a game:
Tell me how many letter “Y”s are in this post…..my friend Tanya has a yeast infection in Yeovil… yay!! GO!!!
There will be no prize just the feeling of minuscule accomplishment…. BYE BYE