Even The Husky is staring at me!!
Sorry You may need to grab some form of alcohol, caffeine, biscuits, candles and a night light as this is going to be a long intense blog. We have some shit to go through people, I’m still feeling the pain of spending 8 hours on my ass and
crocked neck, so I need to get loads off my manboobs! Btw it’s 4 hours so prepare snacks and drinks, you get a McDonalds stop but just prepare yourself.
After 4 hours, our coach graces Pamporovo the hills are singing,
the sun is glistening and the roads are dangerously bumpy. We arrive at our hotel, Perelik hotel (http://www.perelikpamporovo.com) . I don’t
mind telling you we paid just over £600 for 2 people, all inclusive for flights, accom and transfers, we don’t expect much but we do expect the odd out of nowhere thrill…. I’m still waiting , MEOW ( who let this whiney cat in here?)
I have a general rule about travel, I doesn’t matter where you come from or what you do but if you are the first professional face at any form of customer facing service, you need to give a good impression. Wait a min…
Front Desk Idiot
If you are going to meet and greet someone new into your country and your hotel, please do your best to provide a warm reception, relevant information and have a decent tone. Also please can you give us
our key as we are knackered. Oh wait which room and floor is it? Sorry I dropped my crystal ball at Claire’s accessories Manchester Airport. Oh not going to tell us. Oh well let’s sleep in the hallway Andy…
Disgruntled Black Fellow #4
Seriously we had to ask where the room was and how to get there, that’s like concierge/hotel bitch 101- FAILED!!
the riddler on the desk to give us a clue, we squeeze into a mahogany / silver mirrored 70s inspired elevator, think Joan Collins had sex in this lift, we find our room and it’s 80s inspired and basic. My idea of a ski lodge resort has always been like
this but my idea is based on anything Chevy Chase was in, so even my imagination is stuck in the 80s. I can’t complain, damn you national lampoon and TV!!
Since it’s the 80s here, we are given a twin room, as at no point will
2 men sleep in the same bed, this isn’t France. The view is fantastic but we can’t open the window and judging from the heating in our room, they saw me coming and assumed I need tropical heat, LORD CHEESE SAUCE, pass me a fan and an ice bucket,
no I’m still not doing the challenge!
The bathroom is reasonable but you will fill like you are in Crystal Maze in the shower, your challenge is to keep the shower curtain in the basin without water over flowing and spilling over
the open edges. You have 2 mins to do the challenge, bad news if you are clumsy or large bottomed. 10 seconds left grab the Crystal!!!
Later that day, we venture around the premise and the bar is adorable, the hotel is well connected to
the night club, free sports centre and shopping centre (the shopping centre is not free, silly!). I don’t know what it is but I’m getting an eerie vibe, why is everyone looking at me? oh wait a minute. By the way the club is called ADDICT, please
someone inform these people!
Black People Warning!!! (insert siren sounds) Yes it’s that time again, where I have to state I’m a black man in a country where blacks are restricted to city centres and the safety
of MTV studios only. Normally I get over this quite quickly but this week I can sense this is going to be different and rocky, see rocky start, it’s a rocky road adventure. Here’s an example of what I had to deal with a fat lady who looks like
Khloe Kadashian ate Booberella, stopped drinking her beer to stare at me. And then when we go the food hall for the buffet, she stops eating to look at me, I will repeat that. A FAT LADY STOPS EATING, PUTS HER KNIFE AND FORK DOWN, AT A BUFFET, TO STARE AT
ME. Wow the power of black could help with weight loss. They’ve seen cool runnings, it’s not that odd. FUN FACT - Cool Runnings was released in 1993, I’ll leave that there to stew.